right now i'm sitting in my apartment eating some spicy ramyeon (ramen) with my new chopsticks. i havent had ramyeon since christmas bc i left my chopsticks in chicago and you cant eat it without them. so i finally remembered to pick some up. but anyways, it's about 10:45pm right now and i just started a bit of laundry... i could be doing it for 2 days straight, but i wont. i just got back from my first bible study. it's small, just a married couple--jennyfer and nick, katherine and me. katherine's got the cutest little girl, katelyn. its nice to be around a lil blonde baby for a change. this week's reading is on gideon, so i'll be reading up on judges 7,8,9 for next week... hopefully ;-)
last night was church. i didnt realize how tired i was until i got on the bus to go and nearly fell asleep (only 10 min ride). and during worship i was feeling so drained and not into it at all. but then pastor jack went up front and the first thing he said was "i was sitting in the back, looking out over everyone here tonight and i just felt like God was telling me to go up and say that He is a God of second chances, a God of opportunities. i don't know who needed to hear it, but that's the peace i need to share with you." it was one of those moments. you know, those moments. and my eyes got all watery. God spoke to me. it was what i needed to hear. you see that afternoon after lunch hugh, jon, teddy, morgan and i went to a park to chill for a while. it was beautiful out and we weren't eager to sit in the office with nothing to do. we talked about anything and everything...like the selection of restaurants in suji, the boiling point of water, morgan's haircut experience, the exercise machines in the park, how little korean kids think its ok to stick their fingers in our butts, etc... well while morg and hugh were off exploring the exercise things, teddy asked me about church again. he said something about someone being really religious and that he doesn't get it. he doesnt have anything against it, but he doesn't get it. and jon piped in with a comment about how its just too much, like going so far from science and facts. and in response to most of their comments i just asked them questions. why? why does religion make them uncomfortable? why is it too hard to believe in the whole parting of the sea (jon's hang up)? and they'd talk for a while. but i just sat there. they wanted to talk about it. i just sat there. i didnt defend anything. i did explain anything. i just sat there. FAIL
i can think of SO MANY people who should be here. should be working in SLP hagwon. should be friends with these people. should be having these conversations. should be representing Christ. they would be so much better. they would know what to say. they would be smarter. they would be quicker. they wouldn't fail. but you know what. God is going to give me more chances.
and for the first time i'm praying for more chances from the God of opportunities
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I totally understand your frustration with not saying anything... I deal with that all the time. I think some of it is the fact that we kinda grew up a bit sheltered (which is funny, since we grew up outside of the US), not having to spend our whole lives around people who don't believe the same things we did.
ReplyDeleteHowever, on a more encouraging note, I've found that a lot of times, all these people need to see about Christians is that we listen too. We're not all hardnosed and "us versus them"... we're their friends; when they ask us questions that they seriously want the answer to, we should have an answer, but till then, I think its best just to be a good friend and listen, empathize, and maybe just make a few comments here and there which might edge people along slowly (and generally without their knowing it :) )
If God had wanted "smarter and quicker" people there, he would have placed them there. Instead, he put my sister there because you have the unique gifts needed for that place at this time. That obviously doesn't give us a pass to be lazy, but it also takes a lot of the burden off of our shoulders.
love you